look no pants
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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