Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
