3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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