i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize