margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
