I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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