my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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