I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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