So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
