I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
