WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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