Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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