Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
