Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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