So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
