Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
