your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
