the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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