drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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