I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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