genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
