I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
