the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
