Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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