Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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