Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
