there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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