somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
