just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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