pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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