We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
