You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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