just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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