we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
