How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
