Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
