Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
