i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
