it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
