do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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