i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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