I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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