i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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