I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
