Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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