Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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