dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
