i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
