the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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