Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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