she was so not down for the gang bang
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
