i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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