Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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