I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
