No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
