I think my vagina is haunted
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
