so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
