I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just had sex on a roof
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
