After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
