So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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