he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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