it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
