Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
