I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
