Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
