Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
