Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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