Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
