party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
